The Hofstadter Remnants
by ljkwriting4life
Summary: Set straight after the Bon Voyage Reaction. Penny and Sheldon begin to deal with what Leonard left behind. (Lenny, Penny/Sheldon/Leonard friendship.)
1. Chapter 1

The Hofstadter Remnants

By: Leese

Rating: T (cos I say coitus a few times, ha!)

Summary: Set straight after the Bon Voyage Reaction. Penny and Sheldon begin to deal with what Leonard left behind. (Lenny, Penny/Sheldon/Leonard friendship.)

A/N: This is the first time I've EVER written anything from Sheldon's POV (second chapter) and it took a long time before I felt like I got it somewhat right, so please be kind! :-) Enjoy!

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CHAPTER ONE: PENNY

Penny, this isn't the way home.

Penny, you missed the turnoff.

Penny, where are we going?

Sheldon hadn't stopped interrogating Penny about her apparently deluded sense of direction since she had turned left instead of right not long after leaving LAX, but she always knew exactly where she had been headed even if she hadn't been able to bring herself to speak. Sheldon would only ask more questions, so what was the point?

"Penny, I don't understand," Sheldon finally concluded from the backseat of her old car. She had finally stopped and the car sat idle in the midst of the full parking lot just metres from the flat, golden, touristy sands of Santa Monica.

The pier and its brightly coloured rides and rollercoasters were laid out on the other side of the lot, out of sight, but if Penny looked around she could see the ferris wheel propped proudly against the blue sky, with its white frame partially whited-out by the early afternoon sun. She couldn't tell if it was moving or not and she didn't care.

The beach wasn't really that far from the airport, it was certainly not as far as Pasadena, and it was the first place that had come to mind as soon as Penny realised that she was going to have to pull over. Penny wasn't ready to go back to Pasadena. She just did not know how to explain that to Sheldon.

"I just need to sit for awhile," she said. Her fingertips rested lightly on the bottom of the steering wheel. She felt sick and numb, if that was possible. She could also sense Sheldon's frown as he leant forwards from the back seat.

"But you were already sitting before we got here," he replied curiously. "Do you want to go to the beach? Because I don't like the beach."

"I know," Penny said softly. She sighed and looked towards the front passenger seat, where instead of Leonard there sat a small box wrapped in paper with gold and silver hearts. Thanks to Sheldon and his big mouth she already knew what was in it, so she hadn't opened it yet.

She wished that she had. Penny wanted a do-over. She wished that Sheldon hadn't been there and she and Leonard could have sat in the car – alone – and she could have opened the gift like a regular person. Leonard would have been able to see her reaction and Penny could have turned around in her seat and held her hair up so that he could fasten the locket around her neck…so that he could have seen that she loved it.

Penny already knew that she loved it and she was going to put it on and not take it off until he got home - she didn't need to see it to know that - but it was something Leonard probably should have experienced and been certain of before he left for four months on a ship in the North Sea.

Anything could happen to him out there.

Penny felt her lower lip tremble and her chin crumple but she pressed her lips together and ordered herself not to cry. She should not have been surprised by how alone she suddenly felt, but she was. She should have been reminding herself that four months really wasn't that long a time, but she wasn't. She missed Leonard, because he was her best friend and she loved him, and the goodbye they had left each other with…it just didn't feel good enough.

It wasn't Sheldon's fault. The fact that saying goodbye to Leonard involved him leaving and her driving away meant it was never going to have been much better, and Penny still would have ended up right where she was, at Santa Monica.

Leonard had resisted the first time they went to the beach. In fact, Penny had nagged and begged and belittled him until he agreed to go, and he didn't have a very good time for the most part. However, she knew he appreciated that getting to the beach every so often was important to her. Penny was from Nebraska. The Californian beaches were something special; they were still a novelty even though she had been on the West Coast for almost ten years.

'I love it here,' she had said to him as they sat on their towels on the sand, far away from the tourist trap of the pier. 'I love looking at the ocean, and the way the sun bounces off it, and no I don't want to hear the physics behind it.'

'I wasn't going to say that,' Leonard had said with a chuckle.

'I like the mystery of it,' she said. 'And the beauty. Sometimes I come here after a bad audition or a generally crappy day, and it helps to clear my head. I just think about floating, and nature, and how pretty it is.'

Penny had looked over at Leonard and seen him staring out at the ocean like suddenly it meant something more than physics to him, too.

'That's good,' he said. 'When I look out there, I think about being out there, and without my glasses…unable to find my way back to shore.'

'You'd be safe with me,' Penny said without thinking. Leonard looked at her and smiled. She thought she saw his lower lip quiver briefly as he nodded. 'I mean it,' Penny had continued, still dangerously switched onto autopilot. 'I want you to feel like you're safe with me even if we can't touch the bottom.'

Penny put the words out there, but all at once they felt too heavy, and she sucked in a panicked breath and stared wide-eyed out at the ocean again. Leonard must have seen the reaction, must have felt the anxiety in her quiet retreat, because he did not press her and he said nothing for a long time.

'I don't come as much as I used to,' Penny finally told him, unable to stay silent forever. They needed to keep talking, to move past what she had just told him she wanted, even though she wasn't ready to say it any other way.

'That's a pity,' Leonard had said. 'It's a pity that Pasadena is so far away. Otherwise you could come here every day.'

His empathy was heartwarming, but Penny still hadn't been brave enough to look at him as she spoke.

'The distance isn't the reason I don't come here much anymore,' she'd said. 'Now if I'm having a bad day or something isn't going well, I just talk to you.'

It wasn't as heavy as what she had said before; it wouldn't drag them down so far. It was a clarification, of sorts, and thankfully it was one that Leonard bought into. Maybe he wasn't ready either. He huffed and laughed a little; in the typical way he made light of his own low self-esteem and self-doubt.

'And that works?' he asked. What he was really asking… Was talking to him was as good as this beach? And the nature, and the prettiness? Because as far as he was concerned he came a faraway second!

'Better than you realise,' she said.

Penny had glanced at him then, and found his brown eyes filled with curiosity and gratitude and affection. Leonard was worth more than he gave himself credit for. Of course, this had all happened before Penny had said 'I love you', but in hindsight that was pretty much what she had told him that day, too.

All Leonard had said in reply was a choked-up, 'Good', and then he leant over and kissed her softly on the lips. That was code for 'I love you too', and Penny now realised how much energy Leonard had put into forcing himself not to say those words in those kinds of moments. He had bottled it up and trained himself not to accidentally say 'I love you', ever, and he was so well practiced that when she finally got up the courage to say it herself, it had still taken him days, weeks, to feel comfortable blurting it out whenever he pleased. Penny had sometimes seen him hesitate either just before or just after he said it, as though he expected her to go all wide-eyed or start shouting.

She hated that she did that to him. She loved that just before at the airport, he hadn't hesitated at all. Hopefully he never would again…because their feet certainly weren't touching the bottom anymore, and it was terrifying.

Her mobile phone beeped and Penny reached for it. She had tuned out Sheldon's jibber-jabber and she truly just did not care about him; just for these minutes she felt like she deserved to be in her own little bubble. She did deserve it, right?

The message was from Leonard and tears filled Penny's eyes as she read it quietly.

'All checked in and at the gate. Flight is on time. I feel incredibly lonely all of a sudden. Maybe you do too. Just remember, in the context of the six years before now and the hopefully sixty years that will follow, four months for us really isn't a very long time. Please don't worry about me, take care of yourself, and go to the beach a lot. Enjoy the sun. I love you Penny. L.'

Penny started to laugh as a tear dribbled out of her eye. She replied, typing a quickly but thoughtfully at the same time. They had both been working harder at being more honest about their feelings with one another, and they had made a pact to keep it going even if it felt awkward with the distance or even if they had doubts or got scared. Besides, if Leonard already admitted that he felt bad, then he needed her to help him be able to walk onto that plane.

'Do you know me or what?' she wrote. 'I am already at the beach, HA! ...Day 1 and Sheldon already hates me for taking him here, but I don't want to go home yet. I forgot how being lonely felt too…not that I ever admitted that I was when we weren't together…but I was. Honey, I'll be fine now tho, I promise. Because this feeling isn't the same as all that. We are just missing each other, but it's in a better way. Also, YOU should take care NOT to be permanently seasick or fall overboard or make a new best-forever-lady-friend or love it all too much, because I love you way, way, WAY too much for all of that. Good luck with the research L, you will rock it like a badass particle ninja! And also the gift is beautiful, I don't care what Sheldon said about it, and I'll keep it close every day until you come home. Love you lots x lots, Penny.'

Message sent.

Penny could not put it off any longer after that, and once she put her phone by her hips she reached for the present and tore it open. In the backseat Sheldon sighed loudly, and it was either because they were still sitting there and Penny was refusing to acknowledge him, or because she was ripping the paper open like a little girl obsessed with consumption rather than savouring it to reuse at a later date like a responsible, recycling adult that Sheldon thought she should have been. Either way, pfft!

"Oh, it's pretty," she said when she finally caught a glimpse of the gold, heart-shaped locket positioned neatly in the box's small cushion. She dug her nails into the sides of the cushion to ease it out, as Sheldon leant forward again.

"It's nine carat gold," Sheldon informed her. "Solid, not plated, so you can wear it in the shower…but it's not waterproof which means you'll have to take it off anyway because Leonard put a picture in there and it will get damaged if it gets wet. I told him that would just create a foreseeable inconvenience but-"

"Were you with him when he bought it?" Penny asked, even though the answer was obvious.

"Yes. He made me go to jewellery shops with him before he took me to the comic book store. He kept asking me which one I thought you would like better, and I said, 'How should I know? Penny likes all kinds of cheap things, particularly cheap meals'. Do you want to know how much it cost?"

"No, shh," Penny said softly. She knew enough about jewellery to know that solid nine-carat gold was just that, regardless of whether or not it was on sale; the price didn't matter.

She used her nail to unclip the locket, and smiled when she saw the photograph inside. It was a miniaturised part of one of the photographs of the two of them that she had on her refrigerator. Leonard must have borrowed it for a few hours; she hadn't noticed. Her face obviously hadn't fit alongside his in the small heart-shaped space, even though Penny knew that in this photo their younger selves were side-by-side, almost cheek-to-cheek, and her arm was wrapped tightly around his neck. Penny didn't mind that she could not really see herself there though, because she knew that was where she belonged in the larger picture and it was Leonard who was missing.

Had she really just texted him that she missed him 'in a better way'? Augh! What did that even mean? At least when they were broken up she still got to see him most days, she got to hear his voice and sometimes she even got to touch him. A stray hand here or there, a compliment about how nice he looked for particular functions. He would smile at her, watch her; he thought she didn't know but she did. Now, nothing changed the fact that Penny might only see his smile on a grainy Skype connection, and she wouldn't wake up holding his hand for four months, something that also happened a lot more often than Penny had ever let Leonard know. That was a stupid secret, too.

When he gets back, she told herself, she was going to be done keeping stupid secrets, even if it gave her that squishy sentimental feeling that hurt her heart.

"Hey Sheldon?" she asked as she attached the necklace to her neck.

"Yes?" Sheldon asked warily and in a bit of a huff. "Can I talk now?"

"Yeah, look I'm sorry," she said. Penny turned around in her seat to look into his eyes. "We'll leave soon. I might…well I want to check on Raj before we go home too-"

"Augh!" Sheldon huffed and rolled his eyes.

"I know you want to go home sweetie, but he's not doing so well either," she explained. Her voice cracked and her eyes darted away from Sheldon's, towards the cars parked beside them and the ferris wheel in the distance.

"Fine," Sheldon said. "But can we stop at the mall first, so I can get something to do while you visit Raj? I won't be any help to him. I'll stay in the car."

"Okay," Penny replied. She sighed with relief actually, because going to the mall and then to Raj's would prolong the trip home even more, and that could only be a good thing. "Hey Sheldon," she said again. "I want you to know something."

Penny forced herself to look back into his eyes as her own welled with tears.

"What?" he asked, lips pursed suspiciously.

Penny cocked her head to one side and sighed. How did she get through to him, she wondered? He could be so difficult sometimes. A part of her wanted to be strong because she knew that Sheldon had insisted on coming to the airport to drop Leonard off because he too was scared and would miss his best friend. He had just admitted that he wanted some time alone, and that was a big deal. He was sad. Penny wanted to comfort Sheldon and assure both him and Leonard that she could help take care of him...but another part of her wanted to be alone as well, to curl up in a ball and cry in her room until Leonard came home.

Penny desperately wanted Sheldon to understand that while she would give him his space when he asked for it, she was still going to have to be the one who put that similar part of herself aside whenever she was with him or the guys, and that was going to hurt her. She had to be strong, and it was going to compound the loneliness. It was going to make the quiet times, when she did eventually go back to her bedroom and try to fall asleep, that much harder.

Penny knew that Sheldon didn't get it, wouldn't be able to feel that for her, or perhaps even understand what he might sense in her, but she just needed some kind of reassurance that he could at least pretend to understand.

"I just want you to know," she said softly and seriously to him. "That not seeing Leonard every day for these next four months is probably going to be the hardest thing I'll ever have done in my whole life, and when he comes back…I'm not sure I'll want to go another day not seeing him again. He knows that already because I told him, but I just…I wanted you to know too."

"Why?" Sheldon asked.

"Um…" Penny hesitated as one of her tears trickled down her cheeks. She touched a finger to her locket as she thought of how to answer that question, as though Leonard might help her. Sometimes talking to Sheldon was like theatre sports, total improv., but sometimes it also required telling him the brutal, naked truth. "Because I know you feel the same way," she said.

Sheldon hesitated. Penny could see him thinking. Maybe he was reaching for a feeling and trying to define it, or maybe he was thinking about what he'd been taught he should say in situations like this. Maybe he was fighting the learned impulse to make her tea since they were nowhere near home.

"No," he said finally, as his eyes flicked from her locket to her face. "I'm not that needy. I don't feel the same way."

"You don't?" Penny asked. Frankly, she was surprised. It had already been proved that Sheldon could barely cope for a day without Leonard. How could he not be aware that he felt the same way? He loved Leonard, needed him. Unless she was wrong and he really didn't? Penny could not help herself, she knew that she probably shouldn't but she asked Sheldon, "Why not?"

"Because I'm not 'in love' with Leonard," Sheldon said matter-of-factly. He did not hesitate. He shrugged. "Leonard had the gall to lecture me on the two of you being 'in love' with each other while he dragged me around the jewellery stores and tried to justify the purchase of that trinket around your neck. Then after the comic book store I went home and instead of getting to read my new comics, I had to make Leonard tea because he was cutting his tiny face into a heart shape for that necklace and he was crying, trying to tell me how much he would miss you as though I'm some kind of imbecile and not a genius-"

"He cried?" Penny asked softly. Usually, asking Sheldon 'why' or 'why not' led to an awfully yawn-worthy explanation of something that Penny did not care about, but this was part of a memory that was attached to a photograph dangling on a delicate gold chain around her neck. For Leonard to have opened up to Sheldon like that, it was priceless. Of course Sheldon was oblivious to her own emotional response, let alone how he might have responded to Leonard. He continued to prattle on pretentiously.

"Yes,' Sheldon said. 'He even needed his inhaler. Honestly, what a baby."

"Was this before the party?"

"Of course it was before the party," Sheldon said. He rolled his eyes. "The party was last night and then the two of you went to your apartment and very likely had coitus, though thankfully it wasn't loud enough to keep me from getting to sleep this time. Congratulations on your humble achievement."

It was Penny's turn to roll her eyes as she interrupted him.

"We didn't 'have coitus'," she said, mocking him and pulling a disgusted face. "For your information, it wasn't just sex last night either. We 'made love'-"

"Ew," Sheldon said as he scrunched up his nose.

"Yeah, ewwww," Penny huffed as she rolled her eyes. She was partly amused and partly angry with Sheldon, and she was trying desperately not to flash back to the previous night and remember how it had been anything but 'ew'.

"It's still coitus," Sheldon stated plainly sooner rather than later. Penny sighed as her tears returned. Why did she always end up defending herself to Sheldon? She knew that Sheldon liked her, appreciated her, relied on her, probably even loved her – or at least loved having her in his life. Why did he always have to belittle her and Leonard to make that all okay for himself?

"Sheldon, I'm sad," she whispered, unable to help herself. She knew he hated being confronted with emotion – he didn't want to see Raj, he called Leonard a baby for crying and needing his inhaler – but screw it, if they were going to get through four months together then Penny had to be sure that Sheldon could cope with this, otherwise she wouldn't be able to cope with him.

"I can see that," Sheldon said softly. He bit his bottom lip before he added with a cute lisp, "I'm sad too".

"Really?" Penny asked, though she didn't expect Sheldon to confirm it. She wiped at her eyes with her fingertips and looked into his. "Are you scared that he won't be okay?" she asked next, that time urging him to answer by her tone. "Because I am, a little bit. I just want to make sure he's okay, always."

Sheldon knew her well enough to know when he should respond, and he cocked his head to the side and frowned. He offered her a practical sort of reassurance.

"You can," he said. "By telephone, and email, and Skype if the connection is good. Unless you think Leonard won't be honest with you, but he does have a tendency to whine when he's unwell or when things are going badly for him…and it's Leonard so that will happen often. As his girlfriend, and as someone who says he loves you very much, I'm sure you'll be informed of every negative experience. Also, he craves validation so badly you'll certainly be made aware of any rare positive outcomes as well. Offer high praise and comfort and he'll be sure to call back in the future. Also, I told him that we wouldn't forget him. He'll come back when his research is complete."

Penny nodded and dried the tears from her eyes that had not fallen. That was all true. Sometimes talking to Sheldon did help make her feel better…and as crazy as that sounded, Penny was really going to be counting on that from him, as they both counted down the days until Leonard got home.

*** 


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO: SHELDON

Sheldon was having trouble focusing. He never used to have any trouble. They used to get things done, but for the last six years it hadn't felt as urgent, or the things they had achieved weren't as accomplished. Howard going to space didn't count, of course; they sent monkeys and dogs into space and quite frankly they had probably handled it better than the squirrely engineer.

No, Sheldon blamed Leonard and Penny entirely for their lazy achievements and outright failures. They were the most enormous distraction, apart and together, and Sheldon had once been incredibly good at ignoring them, at switching it all off up inside his head and zeroing in on what had to be done. Sometimes it felt like that ability was waning. Bernadette and Amy didn't help. It upset him that they were so disruptive, or that he allowed them to be.

Like right this minute he should have been focusing on reviewing a paper but instead his mind was preoccupied with wondering what he should do about this new (low) level of procrastination he had sunk to, which involved trying to force every fibre of his being not to make Penny a cup of tea and take it over to her apartment. She had made herself very clear when they did arrive home.

'I just want to be alone,' she had said. 'Go away Sheldon…No, I don't want tea!'

Those instructions were clear, but everyone benefitted from a cup of tea when they were upset even if they at first refused. So should he make the tea or should he try to do something different and do exactly as Penny asked?

"Curse you Leonard," Sheldon huffed as he moved from his desk to the couch and sat down in his spot. He frowned and rubbed his jaw as he thought back to the conversation with Leonard that he was also struggling to clear from his mind.

'I don't want to go in here!' Sheldon whined as Leonard darted into the third jewellery store of the day. Who knew there were that many jewellery stores on the way to the comic book store? And everything in them was worthless by comparison, of course.

'Stop whining,' Leonard had said. Sheldon had opened his mouth to protest, but he was whining, and he wanted to reserve enough dignity to continue to call Leonard out for his own and much more frequent whining behaviour in the future. So he shut his mouth and said nothing. He did not say a word as Leonard looked carefully at the rings, and then the earrings, and then the necklaces and bracelets. He had done this in all the stores. He had hunched over the glass and rested a hand on his chin and frowned at all the jewellery as though one of them might jump up and start waving for his attention.

Finally, Sheldon could not take it any longer.

'Leonard,' he said as he sidled up to his worried-looking friend. 'I don't understand why you insist on buying something for Penny before you go away. Why don't you just give her the ring you bought her?'

'Shh!' Leonard said immediately. He looked around as though panicked. Sheldon smirked. As if Penny would come into a jewellery store this nice, or as if any of her unsuccessful-actor-friends would do the same! Before Sheldon could make the remark, Leonard had grabbed him by the shirt and dragged him outside.

'Look,' Leonard said on the street. 'You can't mention the ring, ever.'

'But you still have it, don't you?' Sheldon asked. 'Why don't you just give it to Penny?'

'Because it's an engagement ring.'

'Yes, and you want to be engaged to Penny.'

'I can't ask Penny to marry me right before I go away for four months, that's not how I want to do it, and besides, it's not part of our agreement.'

'I knew it!' Sheldon declared with glee. 'You do have a relationship agreement. You're always making fun of me and Amy but maybe we're not so different after all-'

'This isn't like that. Look, since I bought the ring we've spoken about one day getting engaged. We agreed on how it's going to go, and I won't be giving Penny the ring until she tells me that she's ready. I don't want to spring it on her. She has to be comfortable that we're making a decision, together.'

'You mean she has to give you a signal and then you'll ask her? What's the signal?'

'That's not important,' Leonard said. 'The important thing is that you must never mention the ring ever again. Ever. Not until Penny is wearing it. It's part of our roommate agreement that in life-threatening situations secrets between roommates are warranted and binding. I know we already agreed on this-'

'Yes because if Penny finds out about the ring either from me or someone I've told, or someone told by someone I've told, and she breaks up with you and leaves you, then you'll never get her back and…well I'm still not clear on why that would be a 'life-threatening' situation, because it's only Penny, but-'

Leonard cut Sheldon off with a huff as he raised his brow and pointed towards Sheldon's chest.

'Only Penny? Only? Sheldon, with everything she's done for you, can you imagine your life without Penny in it?'

'Yes,' Sheldon said with barely a hesitation. 'Frankly I'd get a lot more done…and I'd save money on food.'

'Don't be flippant,' Leonard said with a frown. 'I know you like her. Hell, I think you consider her a better friend to you than Raj and Howard, combined, so don't tell me you won't help me do everything to keep her in my life, because at least then she'll still be in yours.'

'Okay,' Sheldon said, sufficiently chastened. 'I see your logic…and you're right.' He had to admit as much to Leonard, though he rarely ever did. The man spoke the truth. Leonard was perhaps the only person besides his mother and meemaw who was able to get under his skin and tell him things he should have been able to admit about himself; things he already knew and sometimes things he didn't yet know how to explain. 'I won't say anything about the ring ever again,' Sheldon stated sincerely. 'I promise,' he added, just in case the sincerity wasn't obvious to Leonard. Sometimes it wasn't.

Leonard looked relieved and happy, he'd smiled, and Sheldon relaxed.

'Just one more thing,' Sheldon said quickly.

'Whaaaat?' Leonard groaned. He led Sheldon back into the store, much to the obvious delight of the sales lady who had been watching them the whole time.

'Well if you have to wait for a sign from Penny before giving her the 'secret thing', don't you also have to wait for a sign to get her something else?'

'For this, me leaving is kind of a sign,' Leonard said. He dragged Sheldon back towards the glass cabinets that housed the bracelets and necklaces.

'Can I help you gentlemen?' she sales lady said as she hovered on the other side of the cabinet. Sheldon decided to turn on the charm offensive he was sure he had perfected. He smiled cutely and made eye contact with the lady. They would get a better deal if he appealed to her sexuality, he thought.

'Yes I think so,' he said. 'My friend Leonard is looking for a present to give his girlfriend before he goes on Stephen Hawking's research vessel in the North Sea for four months.'

'Wow, that's a really long time to be away,' the woman said as she and Leonard glanced at each other.

Sheldon rolled his eyes because the woman had completely missed the point.

'Yes,' he said. 'On Stephen Hawking's research vessel.'

'Does your girlfriend wear yellow gold or silver or white gold?' the woman asked Leonard. Sheldon scoffed, because as if Penny could afford gold!

'Uh, she doesn't actually have a lot of jewellery,' Leonard said. 'I'm not sure.'

'What about the 'secret thing' I'm not meant to talk about?' Sheldon asked. 'It's white gold, remember Leonard? White gold with a diamond-'

'Yes, I remember,' Leonard huffed. He glanced at the curious sales lady and blushed. 'I do have a ring, it's just…'

'Not the right time?' she asked. Leonard nodded while he dug his hand into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out his wallet.

Sheldon thought that Leonard was going to show the lady a photograph of Penny so that she could quickly pick out a piece of jewellery and end this suffering so that they could get to the comic book store, but instead Leonard retrieved the diamond ring and showed it to the smiling woman.

'Oh, it's beautiful,' she said. She picked it up for a closer look, gave it a quick polish with a nearby cloth and handed it back to him. 'Perfect,' she said.

'Yes and it's perfect for Penny,' Leonard said definitely. 'But I can't give it to her before I go away all this time, I'm going to be keeping it safe with me, so I want to get her something that's also meaningful, that she can hold onto…everything I've seen so far today seems too delicate or too…sparkly.'

'I'm guessing your girlfriend is pretty classy?' the woman asked.

Sheldon scoffed. Penny, classy? The Nebraskan country bumpkin? Ha!

'Ignore him,' Leonard said to the woman. Sheldon rolled his eyes, briefly offended. 'Yes she is,' Leonard then lied to the sales lady. Though he did quickly correct by adding, 'I mean but she's also not stuck up or snobby or a control freak; she's not that kind of 'classy'. She's strong, kind of sporty, and relaxed. She likes a lot of colour, and she's bubbly and, well, a free spirit.'

'So kind of low maintenance, easy-going then?'

'On a good day,' Sheldon said under his breath. Leonard glared at him while the sales lady laughed.

'Okay, I get the idea,' the woman said. 'Are you leaning more towards a certain type of gift? A necklace, bracelet or earrings? I can bring you a selection and I'm sure we can find something that she'll like.'

'That sounds like a great idea,' Leonard said, even though to Sheldon it sounded like the least efficient method of picking out jewellery ever. 'I've been leaning more towards necklaces,' Leonard added, and off she went.

It was an hour before Sheldon finally got to the comic book store, and Leonard had only dropped him off – he hadn't even come inside! Instead, he had gone home to steal a photo off Penny's refrigerator and take it to the photo store so that they could make a copy that was small enough to fit inside the yellow gold locket that Leonard had purchased for Penny. Because according to the sales lady (who did her job very well), with Penny's colouring as described generously by Leonard, Penny could happily wear both yellow and white gold. She didn't even know about the ring, anyway. Big whoop!

So Sheldon walked home from the comic book store by himself, and when he got to the fourth floor he was happy to not hear anything from Penny's apartment. She must not be home yet, so hopefully Leonard's theft of her photograph would go unnoticed. He proceeded into his own apartment, where he found Leonard sitting on the couch staring at the locket.

'I waited at the comic book store for you but you never came,' Sheldon said.

'Sorry buddy,' Leonard said on a sigh. 'I just didn't feel like it, after all that.'

'Do you think Penny won't like the locket?' Sheldon asked.

'No, that's not what I'm thinking. I'm thinking that although I know this is a great opportunity, I'm really sad for the first time since I decided to go.'

'But it's Stephen Hawking,' Sheldon said plainly. Honestly, what was there to be sad about? 'And Penny won't forget you, you realise,' he added when he thought he could be a little bit more sensitive. 'She might be terrible at remembering some things, but she's good at remembering lines to a play, or why I like to sit in my spot…I'm pretty sure she won't forget about you, too.'

'Gee, thanks,' Leonard said with a wry smirk as he met Sheldon's eyes. Sheldon braced himself when he saw that Leonard's eyes were full of tears and his cheeks were flushed. Leonard's inhaler was on the coffee table too, beside the scissors and the little cutout of his face. Uh-oh, Sheldon thought.

'I'll make tea,' he announced.

'Yeah okay,' Leonard whispered. 'Sheldon, can I tell you something?'

'I've said no in the past and it didn't stop you,' Sheldon said from the kitchen.

'Okay, well…it just occurs to me that I'm not sure I've made what I want to say right now very clear. I think it's been implied? I just feel like I should clarify it before I leave, because, well, if I'm delayed or if there are problems communicating on the ship or if something happens then I need you to be really clear on where things stand, for me.'

'Leonard, you are now talking about something that I don't know about,' Sheldon said. 'Tell me what it is you're talking about and then I might have the appropriate context within which to make a decision about whether or not I understand whatever it is that's been previously implied.'

'Okay,' Leonard said. He reached up underneath his glasses to wipe his eyes.

Sheldon pursed his lips and waited. He was mostly waiting for the jug to boil, because he already knew that Leonard would speak whenever he felt like it.

'Okay,' Leonard said again. 'This is me being clear. I love Penny.'

Sheldon waited, and when Leonard didn't continue he said, 'Is that it?' Really, did Leonard think that he was stupid? Sometimes Sheldon was sure that he did. Since Penny had actually said those words back to Leonard, Sheldon had heard them both saying it to each other when they thought no one else could hear them, or sometimes when they clearly forgot mid-coitus that he was sleeping on the other side of a very thin wall.

'No, that's not 'it',' Leonard said. 'I know that you know that, in theory. I want you to know how it feels.'

'Why?' Sheldon asked.

'Well because I think it's important that you understand. Do you remember that first Christmas after we met Penny, and she brought you Leonard Nimoy's napkin from the Cheesecake Factory?'

'Not just his napkin, his DNA.' Sheldon nodded fiercely and grinned.

'Do you remember how you felt the moment that you realised what it was you were holding?'

'That's a stupid question,' Sheldon said. He remembered everything, even if Leonard obviously didn't. That was also his first hug with Penny. Actually, it was the first time he'd voluntarily hugged any other person besides his mother and meemaw; Leonard Nimoy's DNA had been worth the sacrifice and fear.

'Okay,' Leonard continued. 'How you felt in that moment, Sheldon, is how I feel all the time whenever I'm with Penny, and whenever I think about her.'

'What about when you're fighting?' Sheldon asked cleverly. 'Because I've seen you both when you're fighting, and I don't think either of you are feeling that same feeling in that moment, that I did holding Leonard Nimoy's DNA. It's a little piece of Leonard Nimoy. You don't know that feeling.'

'We do, and yes, even when we're fighting…it's part of the reason I get so upset, and Penny can get so angry. It's always there. So if she gets upset or angry at me being gone, I need you to know that underneath anything that she says or does, part of why she's upset is this very good, very deep feeling.'

'The Leonard Nimoy feeling.'

'Yes.'

'You're saying you're like her own little piece of Leonard Nimoy,' Sheldon said with a straight face, even though he wanted desperately to laugh. 'You do realise how ironic that is, since your name is also Leonard.'

'I don't mean to be ironic,' Leonard said. 'I'm being completely serious.'

Sheldon congratulated himself on not laughing, because Leonard clearly was not in the frame of mind to find that as funny as it was, and at least by not laughing Sheldon hadn't upset Leonard further.

'Sheldon I need you to promise me that you'll look after her,' Leonard said as he sat forward. Tears filled his eyes again and Sheldon baulked but didn't let Leonard see it. He just stood there, watching, as Leonard took his glasses off and rubbed his face and cried. It wasn't as though Penny was dying, and Leonard had promised that nothing bad would happen to him on Stephen Hawking's boat…but what if it did? None of them could know for sure. Maybe that was why he was so upset. That and not wanting to be away from Penny.

Sheldon did understand that they loved each other, even if they didn't realise it, and now he simply understood it better.

'Okay,' Sheldon said simply. 'I'll look after her. I'm not telling her that, though.'

'No, don't,' Leonard said. 'Unless you feel like you should tell her, like maybe it would help…it's not a secret like the ring. I just wanted you to know that Penny is as important to me as Leonard Nimoy's napkin is to you-'

'Not just the napkin-'

'Okay, his DNA. Penny is as important to me as Leonard Nimoy's DNA, because I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, every day-'

'Are you sure Penny feels the same way?' Sheldon asked. He was trying to be facetious but Leonard just glared at him and nodded, his jaw tight.

'I'm sure,' he said. 'We talked last night. Not about engagements or weddings or anything like that - because we're not going to talk about those things until she wants to - but we're clear on everything else. Please be kind to her if she gets upset, okay? I know you'll be expecting a lot of her because I won't be here, but there might be some days when…just…be kind, Sheldon. Please.'

'I'll be kind to Penny,' Sheldon promised.

That was what he had promised, and when he had said those words he had been standing just about where he now found himself. Alone. His living room and his apartment were empty. Leonard was gone. Penny was across the hall wanting to be all by herself after holding him hostage in the back seat of her car from the airport to the beach, from the beach to the mall, from the mall to Raj's, and from Raj's to home. She hadn't said much, but she had been weeping privately on her way up the stairs, and crying when she told him that no, she did not want any tea. She had been wearing the locket. It was yellow, just like Leonard Nimoy's napkin.

Sheldon was meant to be working. It was the perfect time, theoretically. The house was so quiet and there would be no interruptions. This paper had to get reviewed before people started nagging him for it. Yet he couldn't concentrate on work. He couldn't stop remembering things about Leonard and Penny. They were inside his head in the most penetrating, demanding way possible.

He found himself back in the hallway, hovering.

All Sheldon could think about, was what if this was one of those moments that he should put his promise to Leonard into action? How could he look after Penny if she didn't want any tea? How could he be kind if she wanted to be alone? Sheldon secretly wished that he could ask Leonard, because Leonard would know the answer. Leonard always knew what to do about Penny.

The only thing that Sheldon could think of to do was the one thing that Leonard would probably suggest, once Sheldon confirmed that he really didn't want to leave Penny alone even though she had insisted on it. Since when did he ever listen, right? That's what Leonard would say, teasing him. Then he would tell Sheldon to try this one thing. Sheldon would whine about it and hate Leonard for making him do it, but then he would, and maybe it would make the fourth floor feel less quiet, and maybe it would remind Penny of Leonard Nimoy's napkin, which was how Leonard said it felt all the time to be in love.

Maybe that was why Leonard liked it so much, and Penny seemed to as well.

He knocked on her door. "Penny."

He knocked on her door. "Penny."

He knocked on her door.

"Sheldon, what?" she asked in a red-faced, tear-filled huff as she swung the door open so fast he nearly fell in.

"Penny," he said finally. She rolled her eyes, but it was their 'thing', and Leonard was right about another thing too; Penny was his friend.

"Sheldon I don't feel very good right now," Penny said. "I'm sorry but tea really isn't going to fix it. Can you go, please?"

"No," he said. "Not until I remind you of something." He wasn't going to bother trying to explain his conversation with Leonard to Penny. He could have told her in her car at the beach if he had really wanted to, but he had promised Leonard that he wouldn't go into lots of detail, and Penny had explained how she felt in her own way anyway; there was no need to defend Leonard's feelings to Penny, not when she was so obviously upset and still refusing tea.

"Remind me of what?" Penny asked. "And if you say that four months isn't a very long time then I'm going to slam this door in your face. I want him home."

"That's not what I was going to say," Sheldon said with wide eyes and a small shake of his head. She might have always been kind to him but she was so impatient sometimes! He took a deep breath and rocked back on his heels. "I was going to ask," he began slowly. "Just this once…if you would like a hug."

Penny's eyes went wide as her mouth dropped open. Before Sheldon could point out that she might want to dry her face first, she launched herself at him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She trapped his own arms by his sides, yanked him forwards, and pressed her hands tightly into his back. Penny began sobbing loudly into his neck as soon as Sheldon's shaking hands touched her waist; thanks to her they had nowhere else to go.

Sheldon scrunched up his face as he forced himself to be firmer and to hug like he had seen other people do, like Leonard would want for Penny. He held his breath, flattened his hands on Penny's waist and back, and drew her a little nearer. Penny felt hot and heavy and she sounded wheezy like Leonard.

Sheldon definitely was not feeling like he had felt when he first held Leonard Nimoy's DNA. He did not understand why Leonard felt so good even when Penny was being difficult like this, but he could not just leave her to be alone either. That wasn't what he promised, and it wasn't what a good friend did.

Penny's grip only tightened on him when she stopped crying. She kissed his cheek and whispered, "Thank you". It was going to be a long four months.

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The End - thanks for all the reviews for this and all my other fics everyone! Much appreciated :-D

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